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Our Ukraine Adoption Journey
In 2003, my husband Dan and I adopted our daughter from Ukraine. Follow us on our Ukraine adoption journey through the series of journal entries below (this was the journal we had posted online to let our family and friends back home know what we were up to). Remember that this journal describes our personal experience...not every region in Ukraine is the same, nor are any two adoptions exactly alike. The descriptions and views in this journal are our own accounts of how our daughter came into our lives. Grab yourself a cup of coffee and get comfortable...this is a long journal, but well worth the read. Enjoy!
November 18, 2003 TUESDAY Entry by Tiffany I'm madly packing and preparing for our trip that has been in the making for so long. When I was a teenager, I can remember reading about all of the children in the world who need homes. I told my parents that I was going to adopt someday to give a home to a child that otherwise wouldn't have a family to grow up in. A few years later, I went to college and met the man of my dreams. We dated for a couple of years, and eventually got engaged and married. Immediately we started to talk about the family we someday wanted to have. He'd grown up in a family that housed foster children, and also loved the idea of adoption. We planned to have four children (all close together), and adopt our third (as you can see, I like to plan things in detail...). This way, we would be experienced parents when we adopted, and the adopted child could be part of the fourth child's birth. Fast forward a few years--we have our first two children, both boys, who are two and three years old (soon to be three and four). Dan is a chief of an ambulance corps., and I am a happy stay at home Mom raising our two little ones. We started talking about adoption again last summer/fall (2002), and decided on Ukraine. Why Ukraine? Well what country our child comes from doesn't really matter to us (a child is a child no matter where they come from), but we like the idea of no adoption agencies being able to operate there--therefore, no agency is making a profit on the adoption of our child. The children are beautiful, and there are so many in need of a home and family (as with any country in the world). We began our lengthy paperwork journey--submitting just about everything you can think of to get approved for adoption. In the spring we submitted our paperwork to the Ukrainian government, and waited for a travel date. The travel date came in early August--our appointment with the NAC is set for November 24, 2003. My Mom is going with us, so it will be great having another travel companion. In Ukraine, there is no preselection of children. Unlike other countries, you travel to Ukraine without an idea of what child you will adopt. You have an appointment with the National Adoption Center (NAC), where you look through the books of available children, and travel to the area of the country to visit with the child you select from the books. They give you time to spend with the child to decide if he or she is a match, and only then do you petition to adopt them. We are hoping to adopt a little girl (since we already have two boys), but because of the demand for girls in adoption, we've been told that there are very few young girls under the age of two. We hope to not change the birth order of the children, so under the age of two would be ideal. We also are hoping to find a child with no or very little disabilities. Our first son has CP, so between his therapy and treatments, we understand how much more we can take on at this time. I'm filled with so many emotions---excitement, nervousness, curiosity, and sadness for the time we'll be away from our two children back home. We are leaving a few days before Thanksgiving, and we should be home for Christmas with them. It's amazing that at this time next week we'll be in Ukraine meeting our daughter (or perhaps son if they circumstances steer us that way). We are really blessed with this experience, and are anticipating the new addition to our family! November 22, 2003 November 23, 2003 We have two words for our experience thus far in Ukraine…CULTURE SHOCK! We arrived at the Kyiv airport, and did not see our translator right away. We waited for a few minutes, and were approached by many people who wanted to help us in case our translator did not arrive. Finally Edward appeared, along with a driver, to take us to our apartment in downtown Kyiv. They took our luggage to a Mercedes Benz van, and were speaking to each other the whole way in Ukrainian. We were so nervous, and had no idea if these people were even who they presented themselves as. We had never seen a photo of Edward, so for all we knew, these people could just be some strangers who figured out we we were a set of adoptive parents carrying a lot of cash (okay...so our imaginations were getting the best of us)! After a long drive, they took us into a very old part of the city where our current apartment is located. The apartment building itself is very old, but our apartment is charming, and not nearly as horrible as we were expected from looking at the outside and the hallway leading up to it. We feel very safe because you need to enter a code at the main metal door, go up two flights of steps, then into a keyed wood door. Those two doors lead to our apartment door, which has two doors on it! You open the first metal door with another code, then the inner door with keys (plus the inside of the door has a deadbolt and three chain locks). We rode a rickety small elevator that smelled like urine up to our floor, and were greeted by the owner of the apartment. Her name is Nina, and she does not live here…only rents it out to tourists. She took a liking to us immediately, and treated us very hospitable. She kept hugging me, and insisted that I sit and rest. She was wildly cleaning the apartment and talking to us in Ukrainian, even though she knew that we do not speak the language. She fixed up the apartment, blew us kisses, and was off. We sat for awhile talking with Edward about what type of child we are looking for. Our appointment is tomorrow at 10:30 am with the National Adoption Center, and he wants to be sure he tells them an accurate profile. After our talk, Edward took us on a walking tour of the neighborhood. We are staying in a very safe area, and it is safe to go out after dark. We tried to purchase phone cards and internet cards, but all of the small vendors are closed on Sundays. The area is very old, with many signs of the past soviet rule. There are extremely old trolleys with tracks down the center of the streets, and an occasional military vehicle can be seen driving down the main street. There are lots of little shops you can buy food or other items in, but nothing you can recognize by western standards. The Ukrainian women are so beautiful, and both men and women dress very nicely. They are very into fashion--I have a feeling I'm going to really stick out here with my winter boots and comfortable clothing! They tend to stare at us a lot, as we knew they would, and seem to disregard personal space. Many Ukrainians are very thin...the image that they hold of Americans is that we are all fat people (which may not be too far from the truth...). All in all, they have been wonderful hosts so far. Edward left to do some errands tonight, so Dan and I decided to venture out to dinner on our own. We walked to a modern place about two blocks away (complete with American music and all), and it turned out to be a nice buffet restaurant. No one in the restaurant spoke any English, and all of the signs were in Ukrainian. Dan ate something that he is still unsure of what it was, and I just ate some bread. Tomorrow I am going to take my translator guide with me to help figure out what the food is! Everything, including the food, is VERY cheap here. Tonight we bought four bottled sodas, Dan’s meal, my bread, and a large bottle of water for a total of $2.96! We seem to be blending in well because everyone keeps coming up to us talking in Ukrainian and expecting us to understand. We just stand and stare at them, unsure of whether to let them know that we only speak English. A few people have repeated themselves a few times, or tried to speak louder, hoping that would help us understand! We’ve decided that instead of telling people we do not understand, we are going to point to our ears and pretend that we are deaf. That has worked well so far. Edward is coming back at 10:00 pm tonight to take me to the airport to pick up my Mom. She accidentally missed her flight yesterday, and is flying in from Munich at 11:00 pm tonight. One of us has to stay back at the apartment because the Taxi we are taking is too small to bring us all back in. We’ve decided that Dan will stay behind so that I will not be alone in the apartment for a long time. Besides…he’s enjoying the sleep! The last week before we left was a long and tiring one. I’ll write more tomorrow about how things went at the NAC!
November 24th, 2003 After they returned from the airport we all took time to catch up with each other and we tell mom of the day we had in the city. Mom tells us about how at each point in her journey someone had helped her along the way...angels if you will. Later we all take time to have a late snack composed of hidden away crackers, trail mix, and of course candy before calling it a night. I am having a crash course in humility. Simple things in the United States like brushing your teeth before bed are not so simple in Ukraine. Since you must use bottled water here to brush, instead of tap water which Americans are accustom, it takes longer! The two women have now laid down for the night but my internal clock is all messed up so I thought I should write to unwind. It is very strange not to have the cell phone ringing, the pager going off constantly, and two issues in your head to sort out at any given time with the JOB! I don’t mind saying it is quite nice to be away for a break from my USA life. Not knowing what is going on back home is pretty cool and I didn’t really expect that I would feel this way. I am nevertheless a little nervous for the meeting with the National Adoption Center (NAC) in the morning but am internally confident that God and our hearts will lead us in the right direction. Ultimately I am confident the right child for our growing family will present herself. Well, I really need to get some sleep so I will write more soon. In closing I must reflect and give great thanks for this opportunity and all we have. I also feel a strong need to give thanks for all those who have supported our adoption adventure and have our family in their thoughts and prayers. God Bless and good night! DSB
November 24, 2003 It was our first time on the bus system here, and it was quite an experience! We thought that the car rides had been bad, but it turned out that we hadn’t seen anything yet! All of the drivers are very fast and reckless, so it helps if you do not watch the road when you’re the passenger. This place makes the streets of New York City look tame! After lunch we returned to the NAC, and the file was available. They showed us a picture of her, and she is absolutely adorable! We don't see any signs of DS. We couldn’t tell what color her eyes or hair is because it was a black and white photo. The photograph was from over a year ago, though, so we are not sure of what she currently looks like (all of the children’s photos are very outdated). She will be two on December 15, so her age is within our guidelines. She is located in the Dnipropetrovs’k region, which is southeast of where we are currently staying in Kyiv. We told them that we would go to see her, and submitted our request for a referral. The referral will be done tomorrow between 3-6 pm, and we will leave on the overnight train to the region. The train leaves at 11:00 pm Tuesday night, and arrives at 7:00 am on Wednesday morning. Once we meet with her, we will decide whether we want to go further with this child, and if so, take her for further medical testing. If we decide not to go further, we will return to Kyiv for another appointment with the NAC. Our emotions are on overload…we do not want to become too attached to the idea of adopting this child before we meet her. We have been on a roller coaster all day wondering if this could be the child for us, and it is hard waiting another two days before we get to visit with her. After we got back to our apartment tonight, we decided to go grab a bite to eat and try to call home again. We again could not get our phone cards to work, and were worried that our families back home were nervous about us. Luckily, we met a couple from Texas on our flight out that gave us their local phone number in Kyiv. The husband is doing his PHD here on international adoptions, and she was on her way over to visit him. We called them tonight, and asked if they could e-mail some of our family back home with our apartment phone number, and they were so nice to do that for us. We were finally able to talk to familiar voices tonight, and everyone knows that we made it here safely. Tomorrow the couple is taking us to an internet kiosk to download this journal, and show us where some things are in the downtown. We were certainly lucky to have met her...another angel sent to us along the way! We probably will not be able to write again until after we arrive and meet the child. We miss you all, and we hope that she is “the one” for us!
November 25, 2003 We arrived at this huge statue of a woman up on a pole (Greg calls the statue “the chick on the stick”). This is the “central square” for Kyiv. You can find many shops there, and in the distance, like a mirage, we saw a McDonalds (typically not a favorite, but when you're this far from home, it is a welcome sign)! We met them there, and went to lunch at a little café. Mom and I had our hearts set on McDonalds, but we were the only ones. They told us a lot about the country and a few good tips on how to survive. Before they left, they showed us where an internet café was, and we were able to send our first e-mail home in days. We said goodbye to them, wrote our e-mails, and then ventured back into the streets. We bought some CDs from a group of men playing some beautiful Ukrainian music, and then found a payphone to call Edward (to find out where we lived, and how to get back). After speaking with him, we went to a McDonalds (heaven!) for some baked potato fries (literally a potato slice up into big pieces and prepared the same way as French fries—very yummy). We got home without incident (phew!), and started packing up our luggage to go. Edward said that we may or may not travel that night, but that we should be prepared for his call. At 7:00 pm, he called to say that we would be taking the overnight train, which would leave from Kyiv at 10:50 pm. Around 10:00 he showed up with a van to pick us up. Inside the van was Natalie, his wife, who is also a translator. They are still newlyweds, and have only been married since last May. We watch them make “google eyes” at each other during the whole ride (thank goodness they weren’t driving—ha-ha!), and arrived at the train station around 10:30. When we went into the station, there was a man laying sprawled out on the floor, and he looked like he’d been there for awhile. We all literally stepped over him with our luggage, and had to get on a narrow fast moving escalator with all eight pieces of our luggage. What a sight that was! Edward said he didn’t know if the man on the floor was dead or drunk, but decided he’d go call the police to come and pick him up. While we waited for him to call, a little babushka came up to us and was begging for food. It’s so sad to see all of the begging in this country…the people are starving everywhere. We hustled our way onto the train, down the narrow corridor, and into our cabin. We were surprised at how nice the cabin was, complete with four beds and a table. Dan went with Edward to the dinner car to eat, and Mom and I stayed behind and played games on the table. We laid in our beds talking for awhile and watching the countryside out the window. It was a comfortable sleep except the scary feeling of the train jumping when it changed tracks at bends! We finally got to sleep around 2 or 3 am, and our wake up call was coming at 6 am.
November 26, 2003 6:00 am…lights on! Gather your things and get ready to jump off the train. We arrived in Dnipropetrovs’k shortly before 7 am. As soon as we got off the train, we went to drop our luggage off in a storage room, where someone will watch your things for you while you are out and about in the city. The three of us were a little nervous about this, but Edward assured us it would be safe. Hopefully it will still be there when we get back. We looked for a place to eat breakfast, but every shop we stopped in told us they were not open yet. When Edward asked when they would be open, they basically said that they didn’t know yet…whenever they felt like opening. Not at all like hours of business in the US! We finally found a little place to buy some fruit and pastries, and ate in a standing European style café area. After breakfast we started the paper chase to get permission to visit the orphanage in the region (I joke that you need permission to get permission to do anything here). First stop is at the city hall to get city approval. The lady in the office asks us a lot of questions and seems to not like us too much. After the questioning period is over, she signs our papers saying it is okay to visit the regional office for approval. Just as we are about to leave the office, she tells Edward to tell Dan that he looks like Arnold Schwartzenager, and gives Dan a flirty little smile. He told her that he would maybe run for governor someday too, and she thought that was very funny. Dan’s head could barely fit through the door on the way out (ha-ha), and we all had a good laugh at the whole episode. Another life-threatening cab ride to the regional office, and we met with yet another woman. This lady seemed to be very angry, but we weren’t too sure why. She invited us in to sit in front of her desk, then picked up a ringing phone and started shouting at the person on the other end. Since we couldn’t understand a word she was saying, we were very nervous about what she might say to us when she hung up. Edward said she told him that she was having a bad day, and the connection on the phone line was horrible. She didn’t ask us any questions, and signed our papers without incident. We were now free to visit the orphanage. Outside of the building, our driver was still waiting for us, and took us on a two minute drive to orphanage number one. Excitement and anticipation filled us as we walked into the run-down building. Upon entering, we were surprised at the interior, which was quite different than the outside. It was evident that the workers tried to keep things clean with what little resources they have, and the hallways were all painted in color.
We were told to wait on a couch, and Edward would go to talk to the director. Twenty minutes later (what seemed like hours), he returned to say the director was out of her office until after 3 pm. We needed to speak with her before we could see the child (yet one more level of permission). It was around 12 pm at this time, so we had some time to waste. We decided that we would find an apartment to stay in for the next day or two. One of the babushkas at the orphanage offered to show us her apartment that was near by. We followed her on a short ten minute walk to an area we would refer to as the slums in the US. The apartment was dirty, there was large barking dog outside the window, and a very rank smell in the air. There was no electricity, so we imagined that the nights would be pretty scary. They tried to sell us on many highlights of the apartment, but close location or not, we just couldn’t see staying there (the girls more than Dan). To top it off, a man with a huge knife came busting through the door shouting something when he saw us walking around in the apartment. Edward explained that he told him he was just cutting some heads off chickens next door, and thought that we broke into the house. The babushka quickly came into the room and told him all was well, and the wild eyed man left. We asked Edward to find us an apartment in the downtown so that we could be convenient to food, shopping, phones, and internet (and far away from the crazy next door neighbor). After a lot of searching, Edward could not find an apartment in the downtown. We stopped at all the hotels we could find, but everything was booked for the night. Nervousness was setting in, hoping that we would find a place. We stopped by the train station to pick up two days worth of clothing from our luggage, but again left the pieces behind. It was decided that we would eat lunch and return to the orphanage to see if the director was back. When we returned, she was indeed back, and was up in her office. We waited in the hall for awhile to get in to see her. When we finally went in, she was a very kind lady, and smiled at us a lot. She went over Nadiya’s file with us, and explained the minor medical conditions they had noted during her stay in the orphanage. They were nothing too dramatic in our eyes, and we agreed to see her. We were led down to her room on the first floor where she stays with her groupa. This is the room where they eat, sleep, and play in. When they opened the door, the worker was holding her in her arms, but she squirmed down to run out the door (all of the children try to run out the door when it is opened). She was so sickly looking--deep rings under her eyes that were filled with saddness. Not strikingly beautiful because of malnourishment, but perfect in our eyes. She came into the small play area, and the director began telling her commands. She followed all directions she was given (things like show me your eyes, mouth, nose; play peek-a-boo; catch the balloon; sit on the bench with your hands folded; come to me, etc.). They gave us about twenty minutes to play with her, and then we would need to go speak with the director to tell her what we thought.
We played with different toys, and she instantly took a liking to Dan. She giggled constantly at him, and loved it when he tickled her. Edward said it was time to go see the director, so we said goodbye to her for the night. In the director’s office, we told her we would talk about things that night, and come back to see her again in the morning. We left with mixed emotions, and asked Edward how long it takes to “know” what child you should adopt (based on his past experience). He said that it usually takes 1-3 days to form some sort of bond with a child, and then you will just know if she is right for you or not.
When we went out to meet our driver, Edward said that he had found us an apartment in the downtown, and that we would go to see it. We stayed in the car while he checked it out, and then hiked up the five flights of steps to see it for ourselves. It was not a Sheraton by any means, but was much better than the place we had seen earlier in the day. Without hesitation we took this apartment, and settled down for our first night in Dnipropetrovs’k.
November 27, 2003 Happy Thanksgiving! This was unlike any Thanksgiving we’ve EVER had! No turkey or potatoes, but plenty to be thankful for. The day started out with a trip to the orphanage to talk to one of the doctors, and have her read Nadiya’s medical charts for us. We were escorted to a small room, where she proceeded to read a book (literally) about this child. She talked in Ukrainian for about an hour, and Edward translated what she had said at the end. The “short story” she told us was that Nadiya was born at home and taken to the hospital by her mother. Shortly after she arrived there, her mother left, and was never seen again. She spent 7.5 months in the hospital before being sent to the orphanage. During her stay in the hospital and orphanage, she has been healthy except for having a cold one time (good sign that her immunity is strong). Since she has been in both the hospital and the orphanage, no one has come to visit her, or contacted them to find out about her. Overall, this doctor felt that Nadiya is a healthy child, with only minor orphanage delays (that all the children have). After explaining this, she told Edward that we needed to “get out” of her office because she had another patient to see (did I mention yet that they do not always have the best manners here?). We hurriedly gathered our things and were escorted down the long hall to see Nadiya again. This time when she came out of the room, she smiled at us as if she recognized us from the night before. We took her on walks up and down the hall (that is the “in” thing to do…and did I mention the ONLY thing to do! Ha-ha). There are twenty other families at the orphanage right not, and some of them are also Americans. We met and chatted with many of them in the hall during our walks this morning, and were SO excited to find some people who speak our language! They would not let us take her outside because they’re afraid of the children catching colds. It was during this visit that Dan and I looked at each other and said “this is our child.” When Edward came back to get us at the end of the visit, Dan summed up how we felt very well. He said to Edward “I guess I answered my own question from last night. It didn’t take 1-3 days for me to fall in love with her…I only needed twenty more minutes and I love her already!” We told Edward that we were planning to adopt her, and would spend some more time getting to know her. We stayed for both the morning and evening visits with her today, and then headed back to our apartment to put a few more layers of clothing on. We walked downtown to try to find a pay phone to call home on, and it took us a LONG time to find a phone that our cards would work in. We finally found a hotel where the people in the lobby looked at us like we had three heads when we called people and spoke in English. We had a chance to talk to the boys, and I cried when I heard their voices. It is SO hard being away from them. They are having a great time with Grandma and Grandpa, and do not seem to be as distraught about our absence as we are theirs. On our walk home, Edward said that the doctor at the orphanage only offered us the “nice” version of Nadiya’s story. He had a copy of the chart back at the apartment, and felt that we should know the details of her beginnings. We were anxious to get back and have him translate it for us, but he said “not before Thanksgiving dinner.” He let us choose where we wanted to eat…and we went to get what every good Thanksgiving dinner must include…Pizza! He took us to this little pizza shop that is supposed to look like a New York style pizzeria. They had American music playing, and the pizza tasted just like home. What a great way to feel connected to America on this day of Thanksgiving! After another terrifying cab ride home (I know I keep mentioning the driving, but this is so scary that you need to see it to believe it), we settled in to hear what her charts had to say. Short story of what the charts REALLY said…unedited (pieced together through many different reports): Nadiya was born either at home or in the hospital. After her delivery she was taken out of the hospital by her mother, but no one knew where she took her. Four months later, she was dropped off at the hospital by an unknown woman who tells them that she found the baby abandon. The police were sent out to try to find the mother, but she was not at the address she last lived at. The only person there was a man who said he was the husband of this lady, and that he had not seen her since the birth of their child. He claims that he is the father of the child, and he was planning to get his life together, and return for her. HOWEVER, there is a different father listed on the birth certificate, and this father does “not exist in nature” (exact words of Edward). The health department was sent to the “father’s” home for inspection, and they said that the conditions there were too horrible for a child to live in. There were some police reports about the mother, and how she was a drifter—a homeless person who went from place to place finding people to house her. And that was it…her whole story with many holes. Edward said that we would have to find out who the real father was somehow, who the lady was that dropped her off, and see if we could find the mother. If we go to court and this man shows up, they could deny us the adoption so that he could visit her (even though he has not come to see her in two years, and he would only need to see her once every six months after the court hearing to keep his rights). Again, he was not the man listed on her birth certificate, but we would have to have him agree to DNA testing to prove otherwise if it comes down to it. We went to bed with a ton of questions going through our heads. Are we attaching to a child that we have no chance of adopting? Will the “father” show up in the end to claim her? By the time we fell asleep, we decided not to worry about the unknown. What will happen will, but ultimately she will be our child, no matter what steps we have to go through to make it happen. We fell asleep knowing that we were going to go ahead with the process, and will take this huge “leap of faith.” We certainly do have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving day!
November 28, 2003 We woke up with a good feeling today; because we were going to see our little Nadiya again, and know with great certainty she is going to be our child. Our driver picked us up to go to the orphanage, and we arrived around 10:00 am. Edward went to speak with the director to ask if we could take her for some doctor’s appointments. She agreed, but we needed to take a worker from the orphanage with us. Since only five people can fit in a car (at the very most), Mom had to stay behind at the orphanage while we went. Today was the first time we got to see her sit and eat with her groupa, so we were able to take some pictures of her with her friends. When we went into the room and she saw us, she kept trying to get up from her table to come to us. The workers would tell her to sit down and she would do it (the first time they told her!). The children all listen very well to the workers and you can tell that they they have strict discipline. When she was finally able to get up, she jumped up and ran right past us! She wanted to go walking in the hall, because this is the only time she ever gets to leave her room. After about an hour of walking with her, they told us we needed to bring her back to her room to get dressed to go. Dan walked her down the hallway, and she started to cry when she realized we were taking her back to her room. They dressed her in several layers of clothing (tights with a skirt and pants over them both, undershirt, shirt, sweater, hat, coat, hood, and winter boots), but it was about 50 degrees outside)! An orphanage worker brought her out, and we all go in the car for the appointments. The car ride was interesting; because it was the first time she’d ever been in a car. She sat on my lap in the back seat (without a seatbelt on either of us), and looked out the window the whole time. She giggled and pointed out the window most of the time, then tried to fall asleep (we were not aloud to let her fall asleep so that she would be in her natural state for the psychologist). Edward was amazed at how good she was during the ride, and said that most children scream their first time in the car. We arrived at the psychologist, and took her inside for testing. The doctor was very nice, and after about a half an hour of talking in Ukrainian to each other, they let Dan and I in on what they were saying. The doctor felt that she is a normal child with some mental delays. She does not feel that these delays are because of birth, but because of the life she has led so far. She thinks with special therapy, good nutrition, and lots of love, Nadiya could be a very healthy child. She recommended we take her to see a neurologist for further consultation. We said thank you and paid her $50.00. Next stop was at the neurologist’s office. During our wait to see the doctor, we found out that Nadiya throws tantrums. She sits down on the floor and throws her head back against the floor, then laughs hysterically! She did this on the hard concrete floor at the office, and we flew out the chair to try to catch her head from hitting the floor. The orphanage worker did not seem to mind this, but we were very nervous because she kept doing it. She was throwing these tantrums because she wanted to take her boots off (she doesn’t like to have her shoes on…possibly because they are two sizes too big), and we would not let her. Inside the neurologists, she did a very thorough exam on Nadiya. She concluded that Nadiya was fine neurologically, but she did see some indications of rickets, anemia, muscle atrophy, and slight physical/mental delay. She, too, said that her condition was because of the life she had led thus far, and not from being born this way. She agreed with the psychologist and said that Nadiya could be a healthy child with good nutrition, therapy, and lots of love. She thinks that Nadiya is at about a one year old level mentally (so she is about a year behind). There is a medication kids can take before the age of three to catch their brains up to where they should be. She suggested that we take her for genetic testing while we are here to determine how much medicine she will need. We tried to pay her $50.00 before leaving, but she would not take any money from us. She said (in Ukrainian of course), “I can do this for free if I want to.” Such a nice gesture from someone that we know could use the money. We headed back to the orphanage, and Nadiya fell asleep in the car. Dan carried her in asleep, and we left for lunch (visiting hours at the orphanage are 10-12 and 4-7). Our driver took us back to the women’s hospital cafeteria for the third day in a row, and they were happy to see us come back again. At lunch, we told Edward that we had decided to put in a petition to adopt Nadiya. After we finished lunch, we went to a notary to have a petition drawn up and signed. The notary was very friendly, and wished us good luck with everything. When we got back to the orphanage, I went down to get Nadiya from her room. They opened the door and she ran to me with open arms giving me a giant hug. I was so happy because this is the first time I’ve received such a warm reaction from her. I took her down the hall, and we all took turns walking with her until 7 pm. Dan walked down to the market and bought her some yogurt and juice. She spent most of the time we were with her eating and drinking like she had never seen food before. She drank the yogurt right down, and then carried the container around with her the rest of the night. She kept tipping it up trying to get more out of it. At 7 pm, dinner was ready, and the workers came out into the hall to tell her it was time to eat, and to say goodbye to “mamma y papa.” She started shaking and crying and threw herself down onto the floor again (I caught her head this time!). She didn’t want to go back, and waved to us with big sad tear filled eyes. On the way home, we stopped at a grocery store to find some food for the apartment, and more snacks to take Nadiya the next day. The grocery store was packed with people. They only give out baskets (no carts) because people do not have the money to buy a lot of food at once. We had three overflowing baskets on the way to the register, and received many strange looks. Our groceries totaled $30.00 (they would have easily been over $100 in the US). On the way out of the store, we put a bunch of money in an old ladies cup that was begging. She looked at the money, got a big smile, and got up to go home for the night. It made us feel good to let her go home, and to know that such a small amount to us made such a big difference to her. Before coming back to the apartment, we stopped at the train station to pick up the rest of our luggage that was still there. We had prepaid the flat host $28 a night for the next two weeks, so we knew that we weren’t going anywhere for awhile. When we got back, we carried our groceries and luggage up the five flights of stairs to the apartment, then unpacked all of our things. Mom made what we thought was ravioli for us, but turned out to be cottage cheese inside pasta (and we had put tomato sauce on it). Our facilitator would not even try it, so we knew it must have been bad. One bite from each of us, and we all lost our appetite. We decided on no dinner, and to just eat bread and Pepsi instead. We watched a movie on the computer late night, talked to the boys and Dad on the phone then went to bed. Time to rest up for another busy day!
November 29, 2003 I sit here late at night unsure of how to even start this journal entry. I recently got off the phone with Tiffany’s sister and her husband. It was great to hear from them but I felt bad that Tiffany and Momma Sue could not talk as they both took sleeping pills to help them sleep and would not have made much sense if I was to try to wake them. I am emotionally overwhelmed by everything I have encountered thus far. We have all seen, heard, tasted, touched, and smelled so much here in Ukraine and we are all incredibly humbled by our good and bad experiences. In the taxi tonight Tiffany and mom talked about how they would clean house to get rid of things they don’t need when they returned to the US. It is one thing to read about another culture in a book or to see a video about the way the rest of the world lives, but it is an entirely different perspective when you live within the book or video. This part of the world is so unbelievably different from the world we live in! It is different on so many levels and I will be forever indebted to Edward our facilitator for helping us all to understand Ukraine better. Humbled is the word I will use to describe my experiences to date, but humbled is not a strong enough word to describe what I have been able to gain from my life changing trip. The USA is certainly lucky for everything it has and I pray our country will never forget how truly lucky we are. Guilt and sadness run thru my veins when I sit in the Ukraine with a laptop journaling my adventures. This laptop most likely costs more than two families’ yearly incomes in Ukraine. Tonight we all sat with an internet prepaid card and read e-mails from our friends and family that made us laugh and cry. For families in the Ukraine this would be the best of dreams and for some may not even be within the realm of dreams. I pray I will never again take for granted the amazing life I have and the friendships I have gained. If I could say one thing to all those I know this Sunday morning I would say be thankful for everything you have in life, appreciate life and I would like to thank god for such a eye opening experience. In the morning today we slept until 10 AM Ukrainian time and then prepared the crew for a trip to the public market so we could buy some things for Nadiya and the orphanage. After converting some US money into Grevna ($350 USD translates into $1865 Grevna) it was into a taxi for a ride to the market. Not too much different then a taxi ride in NY City if you count the wrong way on the one way street, and the occasional sidewalks as fair game during the ride, they are pretty comparable. The big difference is the taxi drivers are usually pleasant and will even wait outside for you if you would like to go inside for a bite to eat at a restaurant. You come out from eating and there is your taxi driver waiting for you. We bought a toilet seat of all things at the market for the toilet at the orphanage. They did not have one and the girls just seem to think that is one of the modern western amenities they cannot go without, not to mention the orphanage could really use the seat. Additionally we bought some warm socks and slippers for Nadiya to wear. Prices are amazingly cheap here for most things but clothes are not grossly different then back in the states, only a few clothing items are much cheaper. So we packed up after about four solid hours of shopping it was off to the orphanage to see our little princess. We arrived at the orphanage at 4 PM and had only a little more than an hour to visit with her. Once we got to the door leading to her groupa, we called out her name and she came running with a smile to die for. It was off to the hallway area for more play time and of course some food we brought for her. Yogurt has become a huge hit with Nadiya and she still eats like it is going to be her last meal. It makes your heart cry to see the kids so hungry. We watch her closely to ensure she does not choke from eating too quickly. She absolutely becomes more precious and cute every time I see her but I am sort of bias. I am not sure if it is my imagination working against me or the little bit of extra nutrition she has received over the past few days but she seems to be looking stronger already. Each day we all seem to think she looks different and the large rings under her eyes seem to be clearing up nicely.
November 30, 2003 - One week in Ukraine - We got a late start this morning, and did not make it to the 10-12 visiting hours to see Nadiya. Edward lit the gas water heater that is on the wall in our kitchen, and our apartment filled with smoke. He called the flat host, and he said that he’d come to take a look at it. Dan and Edward stayed behind to wait for him while Mom and I went out shopping. Edward and Dan get along SO well! For those of you who know Dan’s amazing positive attitude, and cult-like following of Anthony Robbins…you will appreciate what I am saying when I tell you that Edward is the Ukrainian version of Dan! They talk for hours about everything, and see eye to eye on just about every topic. We traced Nadiya’s foot the other day, and went in search of shoes for her. The shoes that she now wears are two sizes too big, and she doesn’t like to have them on. She thinks it is a fun game to kick them off, and we have a hard time convincing her that she needs to wear them. The shoe stores are really odd because they put their entire inventory sitting out on the shelf, and there are no shoes “in back”. So, every style of shoe only has one or two pairs available. It was very difficult to find a style that I liked, and that was in her size. We found two pair that we hope fit her (a pair of regular shoes and a pair of “house shoes” that they need to wear at night). Along the way we stopped at a toy shop to buy her a pull toy to pull around the orphanage. During our visits, all of the families spend most of their time walking up and down the halls, so it is fun for the kids to have something to pull. We also went to an open air market where we bought a few small gifts, and a very old man was “flirting” with Mom telling her she looked like my sister. A quick stop at McDonald’s (I never thought I would consider this luxury food), and we were on our way back to the apartment. Mom hasn’t been feeling well all day. She has what Dan refers to as the “stomach monster.” We think it is from a salad she ate last night because it was the only food she ate that we didn’t, and none of us are sick. We went to the orphanage again tonight, and as always, spent the first hour feeding her. She is always SO hungry! When you give her food, she holds onto it and will not let go. She’ll have a cracker in each hand and try to figure out a way to get into your bags to take more. She would eat non-stop and make herself sick if we let her. After our visit, we came home and relaxed. Mom fell asleep on the couch early tonight (she looks pretty white), and Dan and I worked on the computer (ahhh…to finally have internet!)
DECEMBER 1, 2003 We woke up early this morning because we needed to go meet with the city inspector again. After you do any piece of paperwork, you need to take it to her. I’m not sure why you can’t just take them after you’ve gathered them all…guess they’ve never heard of the concept of “work smarter not harder!” When we got to her office, she was in a horrible mood. Monday is not the day of choice to see any of the government officials here (similar to USA). She told Edward that she would not sign off on our papers up to this point until we found out some more details surrounding the police reports (who the father is, who the lady that dropped her off was, where she was from the time she left the hospital until four months later when she was found, where she was found, etc.). We got back into our taxi, and Edward told us that he would drop Mom and I have at the orphanage for the morning visit, and he and Dan would go to talk to the police to find out more about the report. He said that he didn’t have anything against women, but that “they do not belong in leadership position.” Those of you who know me well can guess that this did not set well with me! However, I did not say a word because I am well aware of how women are regarded here. We would rather see Nadiya then go to the police station anyhow! As I watched the car pull out of the orphanage with Dan in it, I have to admit I was a little nervous, but I knew that Edward would not let anything happen to him. If we have learned one thing since we’ve been here, it is about the corrupt police. We were told not to call the police unless basically you see someone being killed, or are being killed yourself…otherwise you should try to take care of things on your own. The police are not your friends here. They are paid very little and expected to make up the difference in their salary through bribes. For example, if you were to go up to an officer on the street (they are all over) and ask him for directions, he would ask to see your passport. If you gave it to him, he would make you pay him a lot of money to return it to you. You are in a foreign country and can’t get home without it, so what are you to do? Of course, pay it. So, we have been avoiding the police all together. If we see one, we try to walk the other way, and hope that they will not notice that we are Americans. When we were in Kyiv last week, there was a domestic dispute happening at the next door apartment. It’s sad, but we knew we couldn’t call the police about it, so we just tried to ignore it. What a strange way of life! Our visit with Nadiya was wonderful. She was so excited to see me come to the door to get her, and we played for the whole two hour visit. I finally taught her how to play catch with a ball. Two days before we handed her the ball, and she looked at it like it was the most foreign object she’d ever seen! I fed her the normal—yogurt, biscuits (like crackers), a banana, and some juice. At the end of the visit, the orphanage yelled at me in Ukrainian because she had dropped some food on her sweater. Oh well, I thought, if that is the biggest of her worries, life is not too bad. Mom and I walked about a mile to the nearest grocery store to find some food for lunch. We bought some bread and coke (Mom’s tummy is still not 100%), plus some food for our apartment. The grocery stores do not give out bags to carry your items in, so you need to be very selective when shopping. Whatever you buy, you carry! We’ve been bringing some over the shoulder bags with us everywhere for shopping. Back at the orphanage we had a little “bread and coke” picnic on a cement slab outside. This was the first day the sun has been out since we’ve been here, so we wanted to soak it up. We watched a lot of mothers walk by with their babies in carriages (the old style that used to be popular in America during the 50’s), and the strangest wild dogs you’ve ever seen were all around us (many breeds of dog went into making these special animals). The dogs beg at the orphanage door for food…I don’t think that they’ve figured out that the orphanage is probably the worst place to beg for food! Dan and Edward did not return all day, and we waited on a couch in the orphanage for three hours until the next visiting time. All day they brought baby after baby by us (it was medical check-up day in the orphanage), and we could not believe how many children are living in her building. My mind kept drifting back to the guys…I could not imagine what was taking them so long, and I was a little nervous. Shortly after I took Nadiya out of her room, Dan came around the corner to say that they had a very busy day, but had accomplished a lot. They drove to the police station across town to speak with the chief and the detective that was listed on the police paperwork surrounding this case. At the police station, Dan waited down a long hall while Edward went in to talk with the chief and investigating detectives. While sitting in the hall alone, many detectives kept walking by saying things to him. He just kept saying that he only spoke English, and they would go on their way. After about an hour and half of this, one of the detectives came out and motioned to him to follow him into a room. At this point, Edward had followed the chief downstairs, so Dan was all on his own! When he went into the room, there were three police officers in there who were not too happy with his “I only speak English” phrase, and were trying to communicate to him in Ukrainian. They took out a piece of paper and began writing in Ukrainian to him, and he again told him that he did not understand the language. They were starting to get frustrated (and Dan was getting a little nervous after all we’ve heard about the police here). Dan just kept saying “I’m with Edward”, hoping that they would understand. Finally, one of the officers got up from the table and went out of the door. A few minutes later, to Dan’s relief, Edward appeared in the door to explain that Dan was his friend, and they were working on a case with the chief. All of the detectives shared a chuckle at Dan’s expense over the whole situation, and then they let him go. Edward later told Dan that when they came to find him, they said that they “had an American in custody upstairs, and could he come up and translate why he was there” (this is before they knew that he was there with him). Some good things did come out of this experience! The detective who first tried to find Nadiya’s mother two years ago agreed to go along with them in the cab. He told them that they had the address of the lady who dropped the child off at the orphanage, and that it was Nadiya’s grandmother. They drove to the apartment she spent her first four months of life in. Upon arrival, they discovered that the Grandmother just died three months ago, but they were able to get reports from her neighbors, who said that the mother had disappeared after the baby was born, leaving the grandmother to take care of the baby. They confirmed that it was the grandmother that had dropped her off, which in the eyes of “the law” was her legal guardian since the mother (or father) was not around. This was great news because it means that she was legally released by a guardian, so on our court date, the judge will probably not raise questions about this now. After a full day of paper chasing, and several more pieces of paperwork being generated, the detective wrote up a great report for us to take to court with us. It basically says that she is considered an abandoned child, and her mother and father’s whereabouts are unknown. This document will help us tremendously! Before coming back to the orphanage, they had to stop by the police station one more time to drop the detective off. Edward went inside while Dan waited out in the car with our driver (who doesn’t speak English). While they were sitting there, a man and woman came out and started to fight. The fight escalated, and the man punched the woman right in the face! The driver honked his horn, and they stopped. Dan was not sure if this man was a police officer or not, so he decided not to jump the guy for doing this to her. We spent more time with Nadiya during evening visiting hours, and then returned back to the apartment. Edward and Dan shared a bottle of wine and talked for hours while I updated our website and Mom slept (she’s feeling a little better now). Tomorrow Edward is going to collect the remaining pieces of our paperwork to submit for council at their Wednesday meeting. Hopefully by the end of this week we will know a little more about when our court date might be.
December 2, 2003 It was not an early morning today after splitting an entire bottle of wine with Edward last night. I slept great! Edward is a bit more of the heavy weight with the wine, and he was up much earlier doing paperwork and taking care of some loose ends. Edward ensured all the papers were in order for the city inspector to create a misleading document called the conclusion document. The conclusion is a document which must be created by the city inspector in order to move into the next square on the big adoption game board. Imagine more paperwork--how shocking! All of us feel like we are on a game show and the main objective is to create more paperwork. You are not allowed to move to the next square until you get the next important piece of paperwork officially signed and stamped. However we are smarter players in this game now and refuse to be fooled by the name of this new document; it is not really the conclusion. You see, the conclusion would mean you are done right? No such luck this paperwork needs to be signed off by the city council adoption approval board, and then and only then can you move another square to have a court hearing scheduled which I am certain will need yet more paperwork. For those of you who have taken out a mortgage in the states my analogy would be to imagine the paperwork for ten or more mortgage closings. Since Edward was out this morning we could not go to the orphanage (we have NO idea how to tell the driver how to get there). Instead we slept in late (at least I did post wine) and then we wrote out some postcards. After this we updated our journal and went out to the downtown area for a late lunch. I am really enjoying the uninterrupted time here that I don’t often have back home! I find that I really had forgot what it feels like to be WEL (Without Electronic Leash in case you are stumped) again. No cell phone, no pager, and no radio, and no multiple problems on a daily basis continue to be quite relaxing for me. The stress in the Ukraine is a different type of stress for me. I stress over the sad sights and people who have seemingly forgotten how to smile in this country. As Edward says he would like to see just one day in the Ukraine set aside for everyone to just smile. I of course think this is a brilliant idea and yesterday at the police department when I was brought into the office, I just kept smiling and I am quite certain those officers didn’t even know what to do with me. They must have believed I was a crazy American on drugs. Oh well! I try to smile more than my everyday self if this is even possible, hoping that one or two Ukrainians will smile back. Thus far I have had a few smiles back (most rewarding was the 3 homeless kids which we bought McDonalds cheeseburgers), so I will hope for a few more smiles before I must depart. After lunch (did I mention they have really small portions in Ukraine) we met back up with Edward and took a fun ride (as they all are) towards the orphanage. First we needed to stop at the city records building in hopes of getting a copy of the grandmother’s death certificate. This important piece of paperwork was not available due to the long lines at city records so it was off to the orphanage. Nadiya was sitting quietly with her groupa for an afternoon snack as we arrived at her room. Once official permission was granted she was up from the table and into our arms. We started off our visit with some food of course, but Nadiya seemed to be a little under the weather tonight. She was dressed in her normal layer after layer of clothing and was probably hot on top of not feeling well. After about an hour she seemed to feel a bit better so we played dress up with mommy’s hat and scarf. This was quite the photo opportunity for me. While we played Edward again met with the city inspector to go over the conclusion documents she had prepared. All looks good according to Edward and we will pray for the meeting of the city council adoption approval board to go well. We are all hopeful this adoption board meeting will occur tomorrow. Once we returned to the apartment Edward had to suddenly leave to go meet with his wife who is in the same region helping another couple adopt a child. We cooked while he was out and then enjoyed reading e-mails together and updating our website before going to bed. We love to hear from everyone back in the states on e-mail. We hope that they will keep coming in and we are so thankful for those we have already received. Congrats to the Hopkins, the Zito, and the Nich families on the birth of their babies while we are gone, it is nice to hear such great news! DSB
December 3, 2003 We woke up this morning to Mom feeling more ill than she had the day before. Her color looked horrible, and she decided that she would just hang out at the apartment and sleep. I ran down to the local store to buy her some bananas and bottled water for the day. Before we left, we set up the computer so that she could watch some DVD's (we brought about 30 of them, and they have been a lifesaver...after awhile you don't care what the movie is about, as long as it's in English). Our driver met us early to take us to the inspectors office AGAIN. She keeps telling us to come back the next day, and the paperwork will be signed. After we stopped at her office, we got dropped off at the orphanage, and Edward went to try to do some more police paperwork (I can't even begin to tell you how many times we've heard the word "paperwork" over the past week and a half). Upon pulling into the orphanage, we saw a lot of the parents outside with their children, bundled up as could be! The children are always dressed in SO many clothes! Each time we go to pick Nadiya up in her room, she has on 4-5 shirts, a pair of tights, and a skirt or dress...then we need to put a pair of pants over her tights and dress if we plan to walk her in the hallways. She is always SO hot! They have some very strange ideas of how children will get sick. If they don't have the "necessary" 4-5 layers of clothing on, they will get sick--or if they sit on the floor to play, they will surely be sick (you get yelled at for letting them sit on the floor to play)--if your child his thin hair, don't even think that you will ever see him/her without a hat on at all times while indoors! Since this is the first time they've let the children go outside in the past week, we decided we would take advantage of the situation. After about twenty minutes of bundling by the caretaker, she was ready to go (and sweating)!
Outside, she didn't quite know what to do with herself. You can tell that they do not get to go outside too often because she was looking at everything with such wonder. We walked up and down an uneven sidewalk for about a half an hour, and she probably fell ten times. The winter boots she has are two sizes too big, and she can not keep herself balanced in them. She was getting really frustrated, so we decided to take her back inside where the ground is a little more even, and she is aloud to wear the pair of shoes we bought her that actually fit. Just as we got to the stairs to go inside, she tripped and hit her head on a cement step. The noise was so loud, and Dan and I both gasped-kind-of-screamed out loud. Her head instantly got a huge goose egg, and it's the first time that we've really heard her cry. We felt horrible, and spent the rest of the visit indoors holding her (and hoping that her bump would to down before we had to take her back--we didn't want them to think that we are bad parents). We went to the same women's hospital that we go to every day for lunch. It is a quaint little place with all homemade food (well, sort of homemade--not the type I make in my home, but I'm sure there may be some homes out there that this is made in! ha-ha.) As always, vegetarian food was not a big staple on the daily carnivorous menu. I settled for some bread, fried cottage cheese and tea (if you close your eyes and hold your nose, it almost tastes just like Papa John's Pizza! ha-ha. I have honed such great imagination skills here). After lunch we went back to the police station (which is on the other side of town) to get the same report we've been trying to get for two days now. They told us to come back after five because the officer was going to "be absent" until then. A few more stops at more council and inspector offices, and we were back at the orphanage for the evening visit. Nadiya was in a much better mood tonight. She has been feeling under the weather with a cold (all of the kids have it), but it seemed like her nap today really helped her. We had a fun visit as always, and she was sad to see us go. You can see her attaching a little more to us each day. When we got back to the apartment, Mom was still sick, and we are really worried about her. She started her Cipro prescription today that she brought from home, so we are hoping it helps. She is very weak, and cannot eat a thing. Anyone who knows my Mom, knows that she masks pain pretty well (for example: three years ago one of her legs was twice the size of the other leg, and she didn't want to go to the hospital. Once Dad made her, she found out that she had a blood clot from her ankle to her hip). So, for her to say that she feels very sick should be taken seriously. At around midnight tonight, Dan stayed with Mom, and Edward and I hiked out to find a pharmacy. We were in search of something to take the intense stomach pain away. I was amazed that the pharmacy's that are closed at night will have someone come to the door if you ring the bell. Most of the lights in the pharmacy are off, and they appear out of nowhere at this tiny window to help you. The woman gave us some "magic powder" (I will just call it that because I have NO idea what the package says, or what she told me it was in Ukrainian), that you mix with water, and it is supposed to help with the pain. The pharmacist thinks Mom may have salmonella poisoning from all of the symptoms we told her. If this is the case, all of the medicine she is taking will not help her. She will need to go to the hospital to get a special medicine that is geared towards salmonella. When we got back, we were surprised that Mom didn't put up a fight and drank her medicine right down. We discussed the going to the hospital idea, but of course, she is against it. To tell you the truth, I am a little nervous about her going there, too. The other day when they took blood from Nadiya, we asked if they use clean needles. The response we got was "they are supposed to, but sometimes they just boil them clean instead." Yikes! I don't want her getting stuck with any needles unless absolutely necessary, and if it comes down to it, I will make them show me as they take it out of the original packaging. I'm thinking a little too far in advance, and it is very late. I guess we will just have to wait and see what tomorrow holds!
December 4, 2003 Mom woke up sick again today. We talked about going to the hospital, and she said that she'd wait to see how she felt around noon. She's feeling a little better now, but what worries us is her intense weakness (Edward has had salmonella poisoning before, and he is very intent on her getting some additional help). We stayed home with her this morning and did some more laundry in the tub (I feel like writing a thank you note to my home washing machine for all the times I took it for granted). I don't think that I will ever complain about doing laundry again! The water here has a gray tint to it, so your clothes look worse after you wash them then before (but at least you can hope that it is getting some of the dirt out). Mom fell asleep, so Dan and I went out to the store to get some small things for the apartment, and buy a sweater for Nadiya. When we got back, Edward called from his cell phone to say that he was on his way back to the apartment, and he wanted to have Mom taken by ambulance when he arrived (you have to call early because--you EMS people will love this--it can take the ambulance over an hour to get here!). Mom said no...Edward said yes...Mom said no again...and I said "Edward, we'll talk about this when you get here." She said that she is feeling a little better now, but still has the weakness. She wants to give it one more day, and if she is not feeling better, than she'll consider going to get help tomorrow. She finally ate a little something tonight, so that is a good sign. We only got to see Nadiya for about 45 minutes tonight. Our driver was two hours late picking us up, so it really cut our visit short. She was in good spirits, and as always, ate all of the munchies we brought her. When we took her back into her room tonight, she was blowing us kisses and smiling.
We cooked dinner at home tonight and watched "Bourne Identity." After the movie, we had a long talk with Edward about the difficulties we may face with the judges in this region. We are in the toughest region of Ukraine to adopt from (if we had a choice we would have never picked this region, but it's where our referral was at. Good thing or we wouldn't have met our Nadiya...everything happens for a reason). The judges are very inflexible, and almost never waive the 30 day waiting period (which means we will probably have to come back to pick her up in January).
We have to admit the trip is starting to take its toll on us. We are very homesick and miss our boys so much. Stressful news like this is not easy to deal with, but we are doing our best to keep our chin up. We just constantly remind ourselves of the little girl who now knows us as "mamma y pappa", and know that we will make it through it all for her.
December 5, 2003 Mama Sue has made a full recovery and felt almost 100% in the morning today. She stayed home as a precaution just in case the stomach monsters returned to haunt her one last time. Luckily this didn’t occur and mom was able to eat real food again by the evening. Tiffany and I left earlier in the morning with Edward. Our driver dropped Tiff and I off at the orphanage and Edward off at the city inspector’s office. We made our morning visit to Nadiya who was in a great mood. Later on Edward caught up with us towards the end of our morning visit. He was impressed with how much Nadiya had changed in just over one week’s time and told us just how well she is doing in his mind and how much happier she appeared to be. He stated, “Orphanage children usually don’t do this well this quick” and Tiffany and I felt so encouraged and happy with his added commentary. Edward told us that he had just spoken with the chief orphanage director about Nadiya’s blood work, and that it had all come back negative! All children have to be tested for AIDS and Hepatitis A, B, and C. We were on cloud nine with the healthy report, and nothing (even this horrible paperwork trail) could spoil our mood. After telling us about his morning, Edward said that he would have our driver return us to the apartment while he stayed behind to meet with the city inspector. The daily goal today was getting the signed conclusion paperwork (remember the misleading document I spoke about in an earlier entry on December 2nd) back from the inspector. I know it is shocking news but once again the paperwork was not available in the morning. Edward would stay and try again after lunch. He stayed and we returned home and checked on mom who was feeling good. Tiff and I then walked down to our favorite place, a wonderful palace in the distance called McDonalds. What a great idea it was to put McDonalds in this country. Unfortunately, mom had to stay behind because we only have one key to our apartment and we had forgotten to get it back from Edward before we left him with the city inspector. Mom was not too distressed because she was already well into disk 2 of The Color Purple when we returned. Just before 4PM Edward returned looking as if he was just kicked by a horse. The inspector had created another hoop for him to jump through (shocking I know). She instructed him to get yet another document. This was super frustrating as the inspector already had this exact document in her possession. A copy of this document has been in her possession since December 2nd when the inspector received the entire paperwork packet from us. The document in question had an original city seal, but was a photo copy and it just wasn’t good enough to meet the high bureaucratic standards of this region. The inspector was unwilling to accept the photo copy of this document with a city seal, she insisted on another original. Without a new original the completion paperwork would not get signed. Did I happen to mention yet that I Love America! Edward was able to quickly obtain the “super important” document and took it right back to the city inspector. By now it was early afternoon and the inspector told him since it was Friday it was just too late in the day (2PM) to get all the necessary signatures and instructed him to come again on Monday. The signed paperwork will surely be ready in the morning on Monday (brief pause for a moment of prayer). For the first time during my visit to Ukraine I have seen Edward become slightly discouraged and he says that on Monday morning he will go to get the paperwork hopefully (we have learned nothing is for certain in Ukraine until it actually occurs) and put it on an airplane back to Kyiv if needed. All of us talked at length about the whole process and how backwards the Ukrainian system really is. We discussed the potential timetable and what to expect if the conclusion paperwork is indeed ready. If the conclusion is ready Monday morning, the paperwork will be on board the morning plane and will make it to the NAC (National Adoption Center) in the afternoon. Completion by the NAC takes about two or three days and with any luck the paperwork will be on the way back next Wednesday at the latest. Just as soon as we get the papers back we present them to the court. Then and only then can a hearing date be scheduled. If the judge has any mercy (not too likely, but I will smile a lot) I will meet with the judge late next week and Tiffany will get a power of attorney for me and then meet with the judge the following week to complete the process. If not we will break out the dry erase board and figure it out as it the process unfolds. Should we not have a favorable outcome next week the most likely scenario would be a brief return flight for me back to meet with the judge. Crazy stuff and we will just have to wait and see how it goes. In the evening Mom, Tiffany and I returned to the orphanage to be with our cute little girl while Edward stayed back to work on the translation of paperwork for the courts. Little baby Mia--what we've decided to change her name to--was still very happy in the evening and mom was so happy to see her again after a few days away. We played with sensation blocks and the rings, and she impressed us all not just with her appetite tonight. Besides not knowing English and typical delays from orphanage life we are not too concerned about our little princess and how she will be able to learn. She picks up quickly on things, has a well developed personality, and the best belly laugh you could ever ask for. It was a great night with her. After coming home we found Edward cooking the girls favorite meal (besides McDonalds of course) consisting of mashed potatoes. Everyone ate them and they actually tasted as good as back home. Edward then got on his computer to write some e-mails to people in the states while the three of us had an intense UNO game. I lost in a big way and the game lasted late into the night. We quickly went online to read e-mails and update the web site. Every night we guess how many e-mails we will have and make a little guessing game out of it (can you tell that we have a lack of entertainment?). It has become a nightly ritual to check e-mails before bed and we love to read from people back home. Signing off! DSB
December 6, 2003 We woke up early today so that we could make the morning visit to the orphanage. As the girls took their cold showers, Edward and I had coffee and re-warmed mashed potatoes for breakfast. The whole process of re-warming food takes much longer here since microwaves are considered a luxury item and we don’t have one available to us. Edward wanted to continue working on translating our paperwork for the court petition, so he stayed back at the apartment. Our driver picked us up and as always Edward needed to tell him what time to come back (our driver does not speak ANY English) for us at the orphanage. Many other couples were visiting their children in the morning today. The mood was one of exhaustion for all of the couples and we collectively decided to plan a dinner date together. Tonight seemed like as good a night as any other, and Tiffany and I volunteered to be in charge of a restaurant search. Since we have no idea where a good place to eat is, we decided on a restaurant that we had ordered pizza from a few nights earlier. Nadiya-Mia was in a great mood during our morning and evening visits today. She played with her ball, and is becoming a master with her stackable rings. She was flirting with another little boy in her groupa that is currently being adopted. There are a total of four children (including Nadiya) leaving her groupa soon. We hope to stay in touch with these families to watch all of the children grow. Today we talked with the other three parents from the groupa who are adopting, and decided on some gifts of appreciation for the workers and other children left behind. The workers said that they would love to have an artificial decorated Christmas tree for the kids, and also a new television for them to watch videos on. In addition to these items, we plan to give the workers each a little money instead of gifts (they could all really use it). After leaving Nadiya for the night, Edward took us by a large grocery store to buy some wine for dinner. We were surprised that you are aloud to bring your own alcohol into any restaurant here, and decided that four bottles would be just right for the group. We arrived at the restaurant to find two American families already waiting for us, and we were later joined by one French couple. The restaurant was a little scary from the outside, but was surprisingly modern and clean on the inside. The conversation was great, and we had one of the best times we’ve had on this trip so far. We all learned a lot about each other, and made some new life-long friends. Most intriguing to me was the French couple and the stories they told about back home. We talked about September 11th, and how their nation cried along with ours, and many other topics. It was incredible…a night we will never forget! DSB December 7, 2003 - TWO WEEKS IN UKRAINE - Today we decided to sleep in and skip the morning visit. We’ve stayed up late several times in the past week, and it’s been catching up with us. You know that it’s bad when you fall into a deep sleep during a death-defying twenty minute taxi ride to the orphanage (that’s what happened to all three of us two nights ago). It was around 11:00 am before any of us rolled out of bed today, and it felt great to get some rest. Mom and I decided we would walk down to the local small grocery store to pick up some food for the apartment. In passing, mom said that she wished we could go to the huge grocery store we had seen the night before. Next thing we knew, Edward had a taxi at the apartment waiting to take us to that store! He told us that he wanted us to go and enjoy our day at the market. Dan and Edward stayed behind to work on their computers, so mom and I were on our own. Before we left, Edward arranged with the driver to take us to the store, wait outside for us for one hour, and then stop at McDonald’s for us on the way home. Dan told me he had 1,000 gryvna (pronounced grieve – na)(FYI--equals about $200 US dollars) and gave me his wallet for the trip to the store. The taxi driver did not speak one word of English, and he almost killed us two times on the way to the store. Drivers here cut each other off on the road so often that no one bothers to honk. So, if you do get a honk, you better brace for impact! Fortunately for us, the oncoming drivers in both instances were thwarted to the nearest sidewalk or trolley lane, so we avoided any serious problems. After being here for a month watching the driving, no one will want to ride with me in the van when I get back! Situations that I once considered “close calls” in the United States will not worry me one bit. We pulled up to the store, called “Billa”, and were so excited to see that it looked like a Wegmans (from the outside anyway). We had to pay for a cart by putting 50 cents into the handle, and were on our way to do some big shopping. The inside of the store resembled much of what we had seen at other stores, but had a better selection than we’ve been used to. As with custom, all food on the shelves was expired, so we picked through to find the least expired items! You know that it’s getting bad when you find a product that is only two months expired, and you scream JACKPOT! One of the things on our list to get for Dan was a dozen eggs. However, when I went to the dairy section, the newest eggs I could find had expired on June 11, 2003! Needless to say, Dan is eggless. He also asked for bacon…but don’t even get me started on what I found (he is also baconless tonight). Poor Dan lost out on his whole grocery list because I could not find anything I would want him to eat (nor would many health departments if they saw it). After grocery shopping, I have a little better grasp on why the average Ukrainian life span is only 56 years old! My watch battery died the other day, and mom and I were not watching the time. When we finally looked at the time, two hours had passed! We were supposed to meet the driver outside, and were a little nervous whether he would wait for us or not. We hurriedly went to check out with our huge cart of goods. Most grocery stores in Ukraine do not have shopping carts (only baskets) because people cannot afford to buy a lot of food at one time. When we came wheeling up to the line with this large cart of things, we got lots of attention from other shoppers, the cashier, and even the security guard came over to check out what we were buying. Mom went through the line first with her things, and then it was my turn. When they rang up my groceries, the total came to 474 gryvna. No problem, I thought…Dan said he had 1,000 gryvna…however, he did leave out an important detail. He did have 1,000 gryvna, but only put about 250 of it in the wallet to go to the store with me! I was mortified as I dug through every pocket in my coat and pants, looking for any additional money I could find. Before we left the apartment this morning, mom said that she needed to change in some more American money, but Dan told her that he was sending plenty with me, and that she wouldn’t have to worry about doing that. So, she was wildly digging through her pockets, too, pulling out fives and tens from here and there, and we were both getting really nervous. The cashier just kept repeating herself in Ukrainian, and seemed to totally ignore me when I told her I only spoke English. We finally pulled together 474 gryvna, and only had 2 gryvna left between the two of us (about 40 cents American). The cashier called security over to help count the money, and they finally let us leave with our groceries. Once outside, we realized that the driver was going to take us to McDonald’s for lunch on the way home, and we only had 2 gryvna! However, we did not know how to tell him not to go there, and had no way to call Edward to explain it to him. Luckily there was a money exchange place right outside of the store, and mom found 15 American dollars in her coat pocket (neither of us had our money belts on because we left them home with Dan for safekeeping). While she waited in line to exchange her money, people were cutting in front of her, so I didn’t know how long this task might take. I told her that I would go to put the groceries in the back of the taxi while she stood in line. On my way over to the car, this teenager came up to me and started talking to me in Ukrainian. I told him that I only understood English, but he kept following me around the parking lot repeating himself. I think he thought that if he kept saying it to me, I may eventually understand it. I reached into my pocket and pull out some change thinking that he was asking me for money. He shook his head no, and called his friend over. His friend started walking on the other side of me, also talking to me in Ukrainian, and I again told them that I did not know what they were saying. They each grabbed onto my cart to the left and right sides of the handle I was holding and began walking with me. I thought that I was about to either get robbed (little did they know that the change I had tried to give them earlier was all I had with me), or that they were going to steal my cart of groceries. I picked up speed and knocked on the cab drivers window for some help, and he got out of the car and opened the trunk. All three of them started loading my things into the car for me. Turns out that all they wanted was to return my cart so that they could get the 50 cent deposit back that I had paid. What an ordeal! Once we were safely in the car again, I told mom that I never wanted to come back to that store again (at least not without Edward). We were starving because neither of us had eaten all day, and we’re looking forward to the McDonald’s trip on the way home. Much to our surprise, the driver picked up speed passed the McDonald’s parking lot, and mom and I watched the one thing we’d been looking forward to all day fade into the distance. I never thought I would need to learn the phrase “hey, you missed the entrance to McDonald’s” in Ukrainian, but that phrase would have been worth a million bucks to me today. Maybe after seeing the huge load of groceries we put in his trunk, he thought that we would have no money left to pay him if we stopped there...he was almost right! When we returned to the apartment, the guys came down to bring the groceries up for us. Edward said that the driver had called him from the parking lot of the grocery store at about the one and a half hour mark to ask if we were okay in the store. He assured him that we were fine, and that we just had a lot of shopping to do. I guess they do not realize how hard it is to shop when you have to look for the food that expired the shortest time ago! While Dan showered, mom and I walked to the local McDonald’s for take-out (we only had a few minutes before we were leaving for the orphanage). Dan and the driver showed up to pick us up, and we took the twenty minute ride to the orphanage. During our ride, Dan told us that he had hurt his neck showering (we think it’s a pinched nerve). He can only turn his head to the left if he turns his whole body. He’s been carrying a heavy backpack with him everywhere for the past two weeks (with our laptop and other expensive items that we don’t want to leave in our apartment), and it has been rough on his back. The lack of nutrition probably hasn’t helped. Nadiya was excited, as always, to see us at the evening visit. She seems to be changing everyday with all of the attention we give her. It proves to us how much the human spirit needs love! We played with toys, walked up and down the hall, and of course fed her lots of food. All of the couples we went to dinner with the night before were there, and we talked about what a great time we all had. Hopefully we’ll get to do it again before we all leave. After our visit, we came back to the apartment to finish up the game of UNO we had started two nights before, and dad called to talk to mom. As our night came to a close, we enjoyed our daily ritual of reading e-mails from home. We are hoping that tomorrow will be our lucky day when our paperwork gets signed, and we can move forward with the process. December 8, 2003 As I write this, mom is washing her clothes in the tub. A peculiar thing about washing your clothes here is that they look dirtier after you wash them than they did before! The water has turned all of our whites gray, and leaves them feeling like they have a residue on them. It’s sad that they cannot provide fresh drinking water to their citizens. There is an abundance of water near the town we are in, but as with much of the countries in this area, there is not an adequate filtration system in place. We can see the Dnipro River from our apartment building (second largest river in Europe/Russia), and we are near one of the widest portions. The water is so beautiful at night. When we drive home from the orphanage, we follow the river, and can see the lights reflecting off of the water. It’s wonderful to end your evening by seeing something so beautiful, even though it runs through one of the gloomiest areas you can imagine. Today was another emotional rollercoaster. We’ve decided that we are now calling our adoption journey “Saving Baby Mia” (very similar to Saving Private Ryan, but without the great special effects or drama). Saving her from the country she was born in, from her horrible beginnings, and from a life that she does not deserve to live. Every time we start to get discouraged, we remind ourselves how much we are changing our daughters’ life. She will never grow up knowing what hunger feels like, how much cold a human can really tolerate, or any other undesirable conditions that a lot of the families here face. She will be able to smile a genuine smile, and know that she has a future. It’s sad to talk to the Ukrainian people that say they do not smile because they feel helpless. Many of them want to make a change in their lives, but are controlled by financial and governmental barriers. There is no way to explain the emotions we feel for these people…it’s something that you have to experience for yourselves. This trip has been such a life changing event for us, and we appreciate the lives we have been given more than ever! Put in the words of our interpreter “if you were born in America, you were blessed by God’s good fortune.” It was a strike of “God’s good fortune” that we finally received our signed paperwork today! We woke up early to head to the orphanage, but on the way there, Edward said we needed to stop and ask the inspector if the signatures were on our documents yet. When we pulled up to the building around 10 am (the start of Nadiya’s visiting hours), he told us that he was going to have the driver take mom to the orphanage to visit with Nadiya, and that Dan and I needed to stay with him. The plan was to try to visit the judge AGAIN today, providing that our paperwork was finished. We dropped mom off and were sad that we wouldn’t get a chance to see Nadiya this morning. We went back to the inspector’s office (right around the corner from the orphanage), and Edward told us to wait in the car while he went in to talk to her. We sat in our taxi for an hour and a half, wondering if he would ever return! Finally he came out to tell us that he had three out of five signatures, but that we needed to come back in a little while for the other two. We then drove to pay our local court taxes for our upcoming hearing, and were back in front of the inspector’s office again before we knew it. Edward ran inside, and one hour later, came out to say that he had four of five signatures, but that we would need to go for the last one after lunch. By this time, the judge would not see us. She only has open office hours on Mondays and Thursdays until around noon (not set in stone…hours end when she gets hungry or doesn’t feel like talking to people anymore). We decided to go back and pick up mom at the orphanage and head back to the apartment for lunch. Edward would wait at the building until the final signature was on the paper. Mom said that Nadiya was in a great mood today during play time. She ate a lot, as always, and played with a lot of other kids that were in the hall. We’ve made some wonderful friends from around the world that are also adoptive couples, and our children get along so well. You could tell that mom had been around Nadiya today because she had the customary smashed bananas and cookies all over her clothes! When we arrived at the apartment, we decided we’d walk down to the local pizza shop for lunch. We’ve been eating out a lot here, because it is almost as cheap as buying food in the store. We had two pizzas (with toppings) and three bottled drinks for less than $7.00! The food was great, and we were a spectacle when the locals heard us speaking English. An eccentric looking Ukrainian woman came up to our table and said “Americans?” When we replied yes, she said “Las Vegas” in very broken English and began dancing around for us. We weren’t sure if she wanted to be a dancer in Vegas, or if she was just a little nutty. We had a good chuckle out of the event, and were hoping that she wouldn’t sit down at our table with us when a worker came over and said something to her (probably to leave us alone--or that she was making a fool of herself--because she disappeared after that). Edward came back around 3:30 to tell us that he had collected the final signature, and Dan did a dance around our living room. Edward just laughed at him (as always)…he doesn’t quite know what to think of Dan at times! We know that he secretly loves his energy, but he just isn’t used to it. Before we got too excited, Edward let us know that there was one glitch. The judge said that she would not accept any of our petitions because they only had the signature of the deputy director of the NAC on them. The director is out on vacation until the 15th of December, so this person is acting in her place. According to the “law” (I use that term loosely) in Ukraine, it is perfectly legal for the deputy to sign the petitions, but this judge says she will not accept them. So, all of the parents had to put in a complaint to the general prosecutor today, and hope that he or she will override this decision with what is written as law. If not, everyone’s paperwork will have to go back to the NAC for the director’s signature. Edward explained that he would be hand carrying our paperwork to the NAC on the overnight train to Kyiv tonight (he is going to get the deputy’s signature in hopes that this decision gets turned around by the time he gets back). After the NAC receives it, they need 2-3 working days to process it. Translation: Dan, Tiffany, and mom are on our own here until he gets back Wednesday (or possibly Thursday morning). How scary! He told our driver what time to pick us up and drop us off each day, so at least we do not have to worry about transportation. When we arrived at the orphanage tonight, they told us that they had created a new room upstairs for all of the adoptive parents to take their children to during visiting hours. It is warmer than the hallway, has much more room to spread out in, and even has a piano for entertainment! We had such a great time in this room tonight. One of the adoptive parents is a pianist in France, and he spent most of the night playing children’s music and Christmas carols for the kids. They all really enjoyed it, and Nadiya was spinning around dancing. Each day we all bring a few toys for our children to play with, and tonight we pooled them all and each child had plenty of things to keep them busy. Some children, including Nadiya, took awhile to warm up to the idea of a room full of noises and people. By the end, they were all having a great time, and many didn’t want to go back to their rooms. We said goodbye to Nadiya and headed back to our apartment. Dan walked down the block to find a pay phone to call work, and mom and I made dinner. Before heading to bed, we played a few more games of UNO and talked to Dan’s parents and the boys on the phone. Things look like they are going to take longer than we anticipated with our adoption. For now (at least until Edward returns), we are at a standstill. This week we will just enjoy our little one and not think too much about what is going on behind the scenes with paperwork and judges. We miss everyone back in the states so much (especially Ethan and Camden), and cannot wait for this process to be over.
December 9, 2003 Today has been a day of thoughts. Reflections concerning a trip which is sure to forever shape my life and others in so many ways. I have been cultured more than words can describe in just over two weeks time. Life completely influenced by the adoption process. So many strong experiences and the book is just beginning on a precious life of one girl. Nadiya Mia as we call her now is seemingly different each minute, each hour, each day. We look at her and simply cannot look away. Saving Baby Mia is the joke of the day as each moment is spent writing and re-writing strategies in my head. Inevitably I know she will return home and be a part of our family; however in a place like this time is seemingly standing still. No day goes by without hopes and prayers for a quicker process or an unexpected change in the thick bureaucracy of this region. No hour passes without a thought for family and friends. No minute ticks away without a thankful heart and a wonderful idea transforming into reality. Nadiya Mia is the reality and reality cannot come fast enough. My portion of our trip is coming to an end soon (I’ll be flying into Rochester Friday night), and I have so much to reflect on. This journey has taken us so far from home to find the perfect little girl. As I sit in the apartment tonight, the unknown is what makes it difficult. What is known is that I’m glad we took this adventure, and wouldn’t trade our experience of finding our daughter for the world. I am thankful for all I have in my life, and will pray for our little girl to come home soon. DSB
December 10, 2003 It’s difficult not to let emotions take over during this process. Try as I might, I have had a hard time keeping the negative things from getting to me. Every day that passes without a move towards completion gets more difficult. The hours turn into days, which gives you plenty of time to think about your current situation. Last night the realization hit me that Dan would not be here in a few days, and I do admit to having a small breakdown. I am feeling sadder than I ever imagined I would about being apart from him for the remainder of the trip. We have encountered such a life-changing experience together these past few weeks, and it’s difficult to think about what it will be like when he is gone. On the flip side, I am so happy that he will soon be reunited with the boys, who have done an amazing job of being away from us for such a long time. Ethan and Camden have made a huge sacrifice by handling our trip as well as they have. Had they not been able to handle it this well, these past three weeks would have been much more strenuous on all of us. I’ve had a startling reality check over the past few days with Nadiya Mia. I have read a lot about attaching with institutionalized children, and had felt that I was well prepared for this issue. As with all other aspects of our trip, you can never really prepare yourself for some things until you are living them. She is a loving little girl, and you can see that she loves us dearly. However, as expected, she is still very attached to her caregivers (which is a good sign—that means she is able to form bonds). When we visit her, she is very excited upon arrival, we always have a great time together, and she is very receptive to play time with us. The past two days, after we’ve only been there for about an hour or so, she gets up and goes back to her room to see her caregivers. She’ll get to the door of her room, turn around and give us a smile and says “bacca” (goodbye) with a wave. We watch her go into her room, see her caregiver, then go to sit on the floor for some alone time. When I say “alone time”, I mean the way that the children spend their days…laying or sitting on the carpet, staring at a wall or off into space. The caregivers have a lot of children to take care of, and each child gets no attention unless they are being fed, getting dressed or going to the bathroom. There are a few toys to play with in the room, but they have played with them so much that they seem to be indifferent to them. We have to remind each other that this is what she is used to, and what comforts her. She has never had one-on-one attention, and is not used to being away from her groupa. When we have her out and about by ourselves, you can see her relax a little more when other children are around. With time, and being away from this setting, we know that this will all change. In the meantime, it has been difficult not to compare her behaviors to what we are used to with our two boys who have been raised in a totally different environment. As with everything in our lives, there will be an adjustment period. When we arrived at the orphanage this morning, we were met in the hall by our new friends Kevin and Audrey (they’re from New Jersey). They told us that they had some good news…they had just found out that they were having their court date today! We were so excited for them because they have been here about a week longer than us, and they have two children at home also. All the Americans here were excited because it means that there is hope for us to have dates soon, too. As we’ve mentioned before, some of the officials outwardly tell us that they do not like Americans, and things will be harder for us here. At least we have some hope now! The morning visit with Nadiya was great! She was in one of the best moods she’s been in since we’ve been here. We did the usual feeding and playing rituals, and then she headed back to her room about 45 minutes before the visit was over.
We weren’t expecting the driver for awhile, so we took the ½ mile trek up to the grocery store for some bread. While we were in the downtown village at the store, we saw our driver, and he took us back to our apartment for lunch. We found this great little pizza place within a couple blocks of our apartment, and have been going there for lunch every other day (rotating days with McDonald’s of course). We’ve been eating dinner in our apartment every night so that we don’t have to go out after dark. The usual meal is pasta or rice cooked in the hot pot, along with the bread we’ve bought at the market that day. Back at the orphanage for the evening visit we went up to the “party room” again. Eric (from France) played the piano for us, and the kids danced around and played with toys all night. Nadiya was not herself tonight…we think that she needed a longer nap. After our visit we went out to wait for our driver by the gate of the orphanage. It is pitch black outside by the gate at night, and the stars seem to go on forever (when you can see them on low smog days). It’s very peaceful there…makes you think that the phrase “time standing still” was coined at that very location. In the distance we saw some people walking up the road with a flashlight, and it sounded as if they were speaking English. It turned out to be Kevin, Audrey, and their lawyer, Natalia, who were on their way back from their court hearing that had been delayed three hours. They shouted “we’re parents!” and we all clapped and congratulated them with hugs. They told us that the court had also seen the Swedish couple tonight, and that they too had been approved. We were elated for them, but also sad when they told us that they would be leaving tonight by train to go back to Kyiv. We hope to see them again the week we all pick our children up in January (that’s right, I said January—they didn’t get their 30 days waived by the judge, and we are being told that no one will). Before we left, I wrote the name of their traslator down, who is also a lawyer--you never know when we may need her! Tonight we are going to bed hoping for the best tomorrow. Edward called tonight to say that he collected the last piece of paperwork from the NAC (hooray!), and that he will be back around noon tomorrow. As soon as he returns, we are going to see the judge to ask her to hold our court hearing in two sessions, and to get a better idea of when the actual court hearing might be. If she says yes to two sessions, Dan will be able to give a statement tomorrow, and leave by overnight train to Kyiv tomorrow night. We will get a power of attorney written for him before he leaves so that I will be able to attend court alone to represent both of us. This will be our third trip to the see the judge, and we are hoping that she’ll talk with us (she turned us down the first two times we went to see her). A lot depends on the outcome of tomorrow’s visit with her…as they say in Ukraine “sometimes the judges have too much power.”
December 11, 2003 The morning started out slow for us. The a.m. visit to the orphanage was forbidden today because the prosecutor was going to be there. Instead we stayed around the apartment and talked, and then took our morning stroll to buy bananas (you need to buy them every day here because they spoil by the next day…kind of makes you wonder what type of preservatives are on our bananas at home). Edward arrived around 1 pm to take us to the court house. Upon arrival, there were several other couples waiting to see the judge. She only has open hours on Monday and Thursday, and you have no guarantee that you’ll get to see her during these times. After about an hour of waiting, the secretary came out and called us into the court room. If you’ve ever seen a soviet courtroom on television, you have a good image of what this room looked like. It was very stark and gray, complete with a cage for criminals to sit in during their trials. We sat on a bench in front of the chief judge and answered a series of questions. In the end, she said that she would accept our petition for consideration, but that by law she can have five days to look it over (and find any problems with it). She told us to come back on Tuesday morning and she would tell us what we need to fix, or assign us to the judge who will hear our case in court. Dan told her that he was set to fly out the next day (Friday) and asked if he had to be there for Tuesday’s meeting. Our interpreter told us that she said yes (or so we thought at the time). Dan and I left the courtroom feeling completely stressed. He had a non-refundable plane ticket, and has already missed three weeks of work. We had no other choice but to call everyone back home and tell them that he wouldn’t be back for |
